Key 6: Don't Revisit A Relationship You've Decided To End | Nine Keys to Healthy Relationships

One big relationship problem for some people is they keep going back to what God has finished. 

Don’t revisit what God has decided to end. When it is over, it is over. The biblical principle is: “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62). Don’t revisit what God has finished. It’s over.

It brings us back to James 1:8: “For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” If we keep trying to hold on to what God is through with and simultaneously grab what God is opening to us, we are unstable and go nowhere. When I keep revisiting my past and trying to drag my past into my future, God says, “You can’t have that.” So you have to let go of the old so you can embrace the new.

If you try to hold on to past relationships, you end up living a suspended life. 

Job 7:6 describes it clearly: “My days . . . are spent without hope.” To be in a place of suspension is the most frustrating place to live. God is a progressive God, and He calls you to live from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). When you are suspended, you are frustrated because you feel like you’re being pulled back and forth.

When God says it’s over, don’t revisit it. 

“As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (Proverbs 26:11). Ooh! That’s heavy! Don’t be foolish. When God says it’s over, let it go and trust that God has more for you and your future than there ever was in your past. Trust that God is good, and just because you haven’t seen it yet doesn’t mean it’s not going to be good.

Don’t be afraid because the new relationships that God moves you into feel unfamiliar. 

Ask the Lord to give you His shalom or peace, where nothing is missing, nothing is broken in your future. “ ‘The glory of this latter temple shall be greater than the former,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘And in this place I will give peace,’ says the LORD of hosts” (Haggai 2:9). Great shall be your peace. You have to trust that what God has ahead of you is so much greater than anything behind you.

God deals more with principle than He does with personality.

  • God has a life coach for you.
  • God has a mentor for you.
  • God has a pastor for you.
  • God has good friends for you.
  • God has a family for you.
  • God has great relationships for you.
But if you keep holding on to relationships that were meant to be in the past, it’s as though you keep drinking from a defiled, wasted, contaminated, nuclear stream. Break the water pot! 
Don’t wean yourself off. Make no provision for the past. Don’t add something to which you can keep going back. Shut that door. Rip up the little black book. Throw away the phone number. The day you make a decision, it’s over.

By holding on to the past, you eliminate what God has for you. 

I wish I could take you right into the blessings of all the healthy relationships that God has for you. You have to understand that in order to get there, you have to not only recognize, identify, and accept the reality, but also do something about the unhealthy relationships.

Why don’t you commit this to God right now? 

Pray this prayer with me: “God, bring the right people into my life . . . and remove the wrong people. Help me accept the reality of all of my relationships by doing a budget or an audit of the wells from which I’m drinking. Today, I make a decision, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to break and drop every water pot that would have me drinking out of the wrong well. In the name of Jesus, I decree this, I declare this, and it is established.”

And I am praying that the right people, the right associations, are coming into your life. The right people are going to find you and favor you. It doesn’t matter where you are or what the situation is, because the Lord is not limited. There is going to be something that causes you to be magnified and stand out. God is going to favor you with the right people.

There is a destiny, there is a plan, there is a purpose over your life, and you need the association of the right people for the stimulation of the dream that is inside of you. May God bring them to you in the name of Jesus. Even the people who are to buffet you and cut off the rough edges of your character are good. You’ll know because you will have the peace of God, the fruit of the Spirit working in your life.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's best selling book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
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