Key 7: Form Relationships That Fit | Nine Keys To Healthy Relationships

In order to develop healthy relationships, we have to recognize what right partnerships look like. 

Your dream needs the association of the right people, the right significant others. Every dream you have needs teamwork in order for it to be birthed into reality. You will never be what God has called you to be without the right people in your life.

You form healthy relationships or partnerships based on three factors: Diversity, common direction, and deliberate destination.


Relationships are most productive when we interact with people who complement us without duplicating us. 
In other words, you need to cross-pollinate. You need to get with people who are not exactly like you. You need to be exposed to different things in life in order to be equipped for the assignment of God on your life. You need to get into conversations that intimidate you. You need to go into brand-new situations about which you have no understanding and cross-pollinate and learn from them. You cannot be so intimidated and insecure that you miss out on the valuable lessons they can teach you.

You need to get out of your life box and sphere. 

You need to get out of your little world and find out there is a huge world out there that is so distinctly different. You see, your covenant relationships cannot all be exactly like you. When you begin to cross-pollinate, you learn from other people, and that broadens you in life. You need diversity without duplication. All fruitful relationships are the result of exchanging strength and not duplicating them. If you will overcome your insecurities and intimidations, there are people whom God wants to put in your life because they are trained in areas where you are not. They will actually cause a maturing in your life to fulfill what God has for you.

All relationships are investments. 

They require time and energy, and they yield returns. If a preacher, for instance, will interact with a skilled counselor, he can become much more effective by learning new communication skills with people. We need to interact. We need diversity.

Common Direction

While you need diversity, you also must have common direction—common values and goals. 
Diversity is only good when you’re going in the same direction with someone. Ultimately, if that person is going north and you’re going south, you’re going to miss it. So instead of asking that person, “Are you just like me?” you need to ask them, “Are you going where I’m going?”
It is their diversity that will sharpen you and bring good things out of you and teach and train you. Instead of being intimidated because they are different from you, you should appreciate the differences. But the real foundation needs to be, “Are we headed in the same direction?” Because if their vision leads you one way, and your vision leads another way, there is ultimately going to be a fork in the road. So you have to find out, “Are you going where I’m going?”

Deliberate Destination

Not only do you need a common direction, but you need a deliberate destination. If you have found someone whom you are considering for marriage, you need to ask them, “Where do you want to end up in life?” Because it is more important where that person is going to end up than how they are going to get there. If the two of you are going to end up in the same place, you will do the best you can to figure out how to get there together. But if that person wants to end up at one spot, and you are heading for another spot, this is not the person whom you are to connect with and covenant with for your life.
Having the same deliberate direction is so vital when you begin to form partnerships and relationships and covenants. 
I need to remind you of Amos 3:3: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” To agree means “to meet by appointment” or “to have a deliberate summons.” In other words, unless we meet by appointment and deliberately come together, we will end up going in different directions.

The apostle Paul said, “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1–3). 
In other words, with humbleness of mind and meekness with longsuffering, enduring under pressure, love one another, making every effort to keep and guard the unity, the oneness of the spirit in the bond of peace. 

You are to work hard at keeping unity with the people whom you are relationship with. 

Staying in unity takes work. If you allow it, life will throw all sorts of divisive wedges between covenant relationships. You have to deliberately stay on the same page, which means you’ve got to stay in step with one another, whether it involves a business, a friendship, or your marriage.

You’ve got to find out where you are in life. 

You have to do an audit on where you are and where the others in your life are. And then you’re going to come to a place called negotiation, because in life you’re going to have to make some compromises in order to stay in the spirit of unity. If we’re going to see God’s promises come to pass, we have to endeavor to stay in unity. That’s why the Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). In other words, resolve it. Not everything is worth a battle. When you go to war, you’d better make sure there are spoils. You better choose your battles and figure out which ones you should take on, because you are to endeavor to stay in unity.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's best selling book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
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