Key 9: Find People Who Share Your Passion | Nine Keys to Healthy Relationships

While it is impossible to survive without partnership, it’s also impossible to partner with people who do not share the same intensity and the same objectives you have. Both are needed. 

You need passion and an intensity of focus that fuels that relationship. Do we see the same way? Can we get there together?
You need intensity because it focuses on how much you want it. Intensity focuses on desire. And while the objective is the focus on the specificity of what you want, you need intensity because intensity is desire.

So your objective and your intensity of desire have to be the same. 

That takes us back to compromise. What is it you want? How much? You can rate how much you desire it. For example, you say you want God in your marriage. That’s the objective. But do you really? Does the intensity of your desire for God mean you are willing to pray together for ten minutes a day? Are you willing to go and do a Bible study together? Are you willing to go to church together?

Intensity has to do with desire. 

You never reach your objectives and goals without the desire to do so. Without desire and intensity you live in a place called complacency. And as long as you are complacent, you won’t get there. Passive people don’t win in life. You have to want it because the desire is the fuel that gets you to the place God wants you to go.

So once you get your objectives clear, whether it’s for your company, your ministry, your marriage, or your friendships, you have to rate the level of intensity. If you want something at a 10, and your spouse wants something at a 1, then you balance out at a 5. But if you want it at a 9, and your friend wants it at an 8, that becomes the priority on your list because intensity has to do with desire, which is passion.
Without passion you don’t have the fuel to ever fulfill the objective you have set before you.

You can’t build a life without the goals. 

You cannot give the goals the fuel they need without the desire there. People who really want something find a way and don’t make excuses. You say you want to be a man or woman of God. Really? Then you find a way. If you don’t, you find an excuse. Intensity—how badly do you want it?
The same is true of your prayer life. Your prayers get answered according to your desire. “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them” (Mark 11:24). The ability to press into prayer has to do with the amount of desire in your life. If you want something badly enough, you find a way.

Intensity has a lot to do with your fulfilling the objectives and goals in relationships.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's best selling book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
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